In Search of the Perfect, Singular Word

For the past few days, I have been searching for a single word that describes how I feel. I know it is out there, but chances are this word does not exist in the English language. Maybe you can help me...

It feels like I do not have the strongest foundation, like the ground beneath me is buzzing and my stance is a little wobbly. If I could see this feeling, it would look like the space between Newtonian gravity and Einsteinian gravity. Its home is deep within my chest. All of this might sound scary, but it is not. I am actually okay with this feeling, perhaps even excited by it, and that is why the perfect word is eluding me.

my thesaurus, circa post-coloring book and pre-Internet

The last time I remember dreaming about what I wanted to do when I grow up was at the age of 8 or 9. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I had just been given a really cool fashion coloring book. I can almost picture the line drawings– very 80's, very Patrick Nagel. Unlike any coloring book I had before, I colored them with precision and intention. Because of this book, in my 8- or 9-year-old mind, my dream of becoming a fashion designer was attainable.

As I got older, my dreams narrowed. By the time I needed to decide what to do after high school, I did what I thought would be easy. I went with the state university in my hometown that offered me a scholarship, and I chose a major I had already been studying for most of my life.

I had become too practical to let my mind wander too far. My goals had to be within reasonable proximity of the distance my arms could reach.

Now that I am 43, I understand what that was– a boring, old fear of failure and disappointment (blah, blah). Thankfully, that fear has just been an influence and not a driving factor. I have endured plenty of disappointments and failures, and I have also been pretty fearless at times.

Miraculously, I survived it all, and today I am in a good place. I have many years of experiences and all that comes with them. I have this wonderful opportunity to dream again, and to also define my strengths and explore my interests. My journey apparently starts here, as people continually ask me how I am, and I struggle to answer them concisely. It starts with this desire to describe a strange new feeling in one, perfect word. So I ask you...

Is there a perfect, singular word that describes excitement in uncertainty and the unknown?