The Winter of My Contentedness, Part 1
This time in my life has a few names: personal journey, 3-step growth plan*, soul searching, reinventing myself. (These phrases, and a few to come, are better if you read them with “air quotes” in mind.)
I am unemployed, and a few weeks ago I started to update my resume and make a business card. Within hours, I hit a wall. I looked up at the wall and thought “who am I?”
The answer was not clear (*sigh*). I guess I have a lot of "work" to do on "myself” before I could “start” on “my resume.”
Since graduating college 20 years ago, my job has been my life. I worked; therefore I was. Fortunately every job was an exciting adventure and a labyrinthine learning experience, but they were also necessary to my survival. I rapid-fire relayed from one interesting gig to the next. I sometimes overlapped and stacked them. If there ever was any in-between time to reflect, I do not remember it...
November 2017– I was working at a breakneck pace. It was not stressful work, but it had a hard deadline. On average I was working 11 or 12 hours a day. I had maybe 2 or 3 days off all month. My last day of work was November 29. On November 30 I had an outpatient procedure. Then I spent a week recovering and another week catching up on life.
Mid-December 2017– My new job of finding a job started at our dining room table. It worked fine for years as an office whenever I brought work home, but my new job was going to be serious work that called for a serious workspace.
I set out to transform the room upstairs that we called our “office” into something more than a few filing cabinets, rickety shelves, and collections of minimally organized papers. The transformation took 2 weeks, longer than I initially expected, but the result was worth it.
January 1, 2018– The transformation was complete. The goals** I set were met.
My new workspace is a spatial personification of me. It is super functional, thrifty, a little artistic, and highly organized. There is a place for everything. Everything is within reach, and everything is something I need. It gets a lot of natural light. I can see our enormous (and barren) backyard and a great view of the city. It fosters creativity and play, encourages focus, and inspires pride in my work. I even made a place for our cat to lay, to keep him from laying on me or my keyboard.
January 2, 2018– The "real work" begins...
I have an outstanding opportunity right now that I have never had, may never have again, and I am not going to take it for granted. I wish I had more clarity on the job front, but what I am lacking in career certitude, I am making up for in revelations about myself as a leader, a citizen, an employee, a wife, a homeowner, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a neighbor, and a cat parent. It is self-indulgent, but I am sure when this cycle is complete I will pay it forward tenfold.
My job will always define who I am, but I no longer want to “lose myself” in it and more importantly, lose sight of what is really important: health, happiness, gratitude, caring for others, community service, breathing and moving, slowing down, enjoying the moment, breathing. This list may grow and morph as my “journey” continues, but I can sense my focus narrowing. While it is still blurry enough to keep me guessing, my surroundings are bright enough to keep me motivated, and thanks to the many wonderful beings in my life, it is buttressed enough to keep me sane.
* 1) goals, 2) strengths & weaknesses, 3) action plan
** Do not buy anything new to complete the space. Ensure the layout is a long-term benefit to our family, not just a short-term fix. Finish by December 31, 2017.